I Just Can't Decide...

Before I go into what I can't decide about, you should go to this blog and read this wonderful woman's posts. She is an amazing wife and mother and inspires me to want to be a better wife and mom myself. Who is she? Her name is Stephanie and she and her husband were seriously injured (burned) in a private plane crash about two months ago. Her sister is re-posting some favorite posts on Stephanie's blog. You can also visit this blog. It is written by Stephanie's sister, Courtney, regarding the recovery of Stephanie and her husband. Courtney is currently taking care of Stephanie and Christian's children while they recover. No, I don't know any of these people, I am just inspired by their story. Really, you should go to their blogs right now and then come back....

Ok, you're back. Aren't you inspired? Good.
Now, what can I not decide about. To wean or not to wean...that is the question. Here's the scoop. Mira had her 9 month check up on Friday of last week. She's great and wonderful and perfect and healthy, except for the fact that she is underweight. Yes, my weight fears for her have returned. I have always feard her tiny-ness ever since her two-week check up when she had lost almost a pound since birth. Ever since then I have been worried that when we go for her check-ups she will be under weight again. However, since she started eating solids I have been less worried. Sigh. She is in the 3rd percentile (again) for her weight. Doctors don't like that too much (still 50th for head and height). So, for her height she is 5 pounds (5 pounds!!) underweight. The doctor said she doesn't think she's getting enough calories from breastmilk and wants her to have 24 ounces (24 ounces!) of formula PER DAY! That. Is. A. Lot. She also told me to smear everything with butter and cream cheese and give her full-fat cheeses. You know, everything they tell us NOT to do when it comes to eating. So, since Friday I have been STRESSED about how to get 24 ounces of formula down her. I have been impressed that she will even drink the stuff since she rebelled against it a couple of months ago when I tried to give it to her. But, the most she has had in one day is 5 ounces. So, yesterday I called the doctor. Does she want me to wean her? "Not necessarily" was the response I got, but "give her a bottle of formula before every feeding". "Which would be a sippy cup because she won't take a bottle", I told the nurse. "OH, so we have two issues, the weight issue and the no bottle issue", she said to me. Yes, that is correct. The solution? A crash course of no nursing for 24 hours so that she will be forced to take a bottle (actually they said I can just do a sippy cup since she's 9 months old). They want her to get more formula per day than breastmilk. Sigh. This leaves me wondering if I should just go ahead and wean her. I had planned to nurse for 3 more months until she's a year old, but if we're doing a crash course (my term) of no nursing for 24 hours, wouldn't it just be easier to wean all together?

And then my emotions kick in and I cannot possibly imagine not nursing her anymore. It is such a hard decision. I enjoy being close to her for those times in our day. And there is no other time when she is that still in my arms except while nursing. But, then I go to thoughts of "maybe no more nursing will equal sleeping through the night (or maybe getting enough calories will solve that too!)". "It would be nice if someone else could put her to bed". "I wouldn't have to worry about not being home or with her at a certain time for her to eat". "I could just nurse her in the morning and in the evening, and give her formula during the day". And on and on my head swims.

The crash course is happening on Saturday whether or not I decide to wean her. That way Abe can be here to help (both of us) and I can leave if it becomes too unbearable. Honestly, I don't think it will be too hard on her (wishful thinking? I hope not). I still worry the hardest part will be getting her to drink 24 ounces in one day even if she isn't nursing. I don't know. I am torn. Please pray for us.